Well……I’ve been doing this for a while now. Long enough to see some things that I’d like to put in fortune cookies. So, here goes.
1. Don’t hire a termite inspector that looks like a bug.
2. If you brag to friends you got a great deal on a house because of some randomly odd feature, then you will have to sell it cheap enough so the next buyer can also brag to their friends.
3. You can’t wish away features of a house. Like, That’d be a great house if only the toilet wasn’t in the dining room.
4. It is easier to change houses than it is to change your neighbors……….cheaper too.
5. Don’t expect the benefits of a foreclosure sale without any of the negatives. Other than a good price, everything else is a negative.
6. Roof and plumbing leaks don’t cure themselves.
7. Purple carpet is never a good idea.
8. Neither is wall paper.
9. Loan Officers always believe the glass is half full until the day before closing, then they are all into reality.
10. Realtors never look as good as the picture on their card.
11. They also are never as great as they think they are. Even if they have a cool phone.
12. This years luck numbers are 8000 and 6500, which are the amounts that some buyer’s can get for a tax credit.
13. Learn to Speak Realtorese:
Not a drive by means the house is butt ugly.
Won’t last means that there is nobody who will want it, so the agent must try to generate a frenzy.
An adjective like “Copious” or “Adorable” can be applied over and over again to every feature of the house like some Jedi mind control tactic.
An “Up and Coming” neighborhood means most of it is still trashy, but isn’t expected to be for much longer.
Close to everything means there is a lot of noise and traffic.
Must see means that the realtor really can’t describe it or doesn’t have good pictures.
Off New Circle Road can literally be ANYWHERE!